I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
