she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
