Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
