im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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