I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All I want is dick and wine.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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