why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
the raccoons are back...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
