Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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