Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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