I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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