All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
