Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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