Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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