I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
