I will die if light touches me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
