you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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