hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
