Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can I color on your dick again?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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