yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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