Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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