So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
