end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What drink are we having for lunch?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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