he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
