Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
