haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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