Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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