Joe is yelling at the trees again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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