i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
