I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
