I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
