I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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