Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
