Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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