you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He has the fingertips of a God
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