well you can't waste a boner
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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