UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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