Farmville is her only friend.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
