I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
