i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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