the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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