so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
