I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you made out with another girl for some wings
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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