My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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