But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
