I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my shit smells like andre
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All I want is dick and wine.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
