A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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