the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
