Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
