He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
