currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just had sex on a roof
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
