it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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