I wish my penis had an off switch
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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