he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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