i jhust puked up my retainher.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
