the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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