he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
