i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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