The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
