i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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